BUFFALO, N.Y. — As the back-to-school season ramps up, parents my feel like they need more than supply lists and meet-and-greets with teachers to fully prepare their kids for the year ahead.

“Especially for parents of tweens and teens, bullying can be a real concern,” says Stephanie Fredrick, PhD, associate professor of counseling, school and educational psychology and associate director of the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention in the University at Buffalo Graduate School of Education.

“What makes it more difficult today is the ever-changing technology that provides ample opportunities for bullying beyond the school day,” she says. “The effects of cyberbullying tend to parallel that of traditional bullying — but it can be more pervasive and, potentially, more devastating.”

Fredrick, whose research focuses on the intersection of bullying, mental health and prevention, emphasizes that parents and schools must work together to combat bullying both in person and online. Following are some of Fredrick’s thoughts and tips.

Watch for noticeable changes in your child’s behavior, mood or attitude, such as suddenly not wanting to go school or avoiding friends or activities they once enjoyed. A change in friend groups isn’t necessarily a concern on its own, but when accompanied by anxiety, depression or irritability, it may warrant a closer look.

Overall, if you feel like something is different or off, try to have an open conversation with your child.

Many different kinds of digital technologies and social media trends ebb and flow over time, and adults tend to be 10 steps behind those trends.

In many cases, kids and teens don’t feel like adults understand what they’re going through. They may be afraid they’re going to get in trouble. For instance, “I was on Instagram and this hurtful thing happened to me, but I can’t talk about it with my parents because I wasn’t supposed to be on Instagram.”

Getting kids to share what is happening is one barrier to overcome. This is why asking questions — and modeling a calm demeanor in your responses —  is so important.

Certainly, if an incident occurred over the summer with classmates from their school, I would recommend giving the school a heads up. The more they are aware, the more they can monitor the situation and try to prevent further conflicts.

We know that issues that occur in these digital spaces spill over into the school day and vice versa.

Start with someone at the school you’re comfortable with, such as a counselor, social worker or teacher. They can provide insight into what your child is experiencing, monitor the situation and check in with your child.

Also, every school has a dedicated Dignity for All Students Act (DASA) coordinator who is responsible for all bullying reports and incidents that come through the school. That is another person I would recommend contacting. If it’s a more serious incident, I definitely would suggest getting the DASA coordinator and/or school administrator involved.

I think the more families can collaborate with the school and vice versa, the more we can prevent bullying behavior from happening in the first place. The bottom line is if you are concerned about bullying, don’t be concerned alone. Reach out.

In-person bullying and conflict tend to increase after times of transition, such as the beginning of a school year or the move to middle or high school when social dynamics and peer groups are shifting. Young people, like adults, may use aggression to gain social status.

However, it might not be immediately after students return to school. Bullying might start to emerge in October after the “honeymoon period” of a new school year ends. Educators also report that Mondays can be challenging as students bring conflicts and emotions from weekend activities back to school.

First, regulate your own emotions and try to have a nonjudgmental conversation with your child, starting with the facts that you heard. Ask them: Can you tell me what happened?

And then work with the school on a plan to support your child in preventing this from happening again. It’s often the case that students who engage in bullying behavior may lack certain skills or might be managing mental health problems.

They might need supports that can help them with empathy building, problem solving or anger management. Make sure your child has the supports they need whether that’s through counseling in the school or in the community.

As for consequences, make sure they directly align with the behavior. If your child engaged in cyberbullying on a social media platform, increasing parental monitoring on that platform would be appropriate. A consequence like making your child do yardwork for the next three months isn’t directly related to that behavior and won’t be as effective.  

Kids are using artificial intelligence in rapidly increasing ways without safeguards or education in place. AI is a new way to engage in cyberbullying that has taken off. For instance, kids are using deepfakes to harass and embarrass others, according to research and media reports.

I recommend parents have conversations with their kids about AI early and often. While teachers may talk to kids about how they should or shouldn’t be using AI in relation to their schoolwork, there is a lack of conversations about how AI is associated with bullying, cyberbullying and mental health.