Toby Shapiro, Parent Program coordinator in the Office of Student Activities, helps parents and students who have questions relating to building and maintaining a successful experience at UB.

What's the most frequent question you get from parents?
I would say that most of the questions concern academics. I hear from a number of parents because a student is having a problem in a particular class, the student doesn't know what to do about it and the parent is uncertain as to the best advice to offer. Unfortunately, in many instances, the student didn't tell his/her parents about the problem until he/she was in a crisis situation. In most cases, it also turns out that the student hasn't utilized the many academic services that are available right on campus. The university has a broad network of student-support services that are designed to help students succeed.

What's the most memorable question/request you've received from a parent?
My most memorable phone call was the week before Family Weekend in 1994. The father of a first-year student called to tell me that he was coming to Family Weekend, but that he didn't think he'd be staying because he thought he'd be taking his daughter home instead. The father told me that his daughter was doing poorly in all of her classes, had failed two exams and was convinced that UB was too difficult for her. He asked me if I would call and speak with her. Talking with students is one of the highlights of my job; it's something that I thoroughly enjoy and that I do frequently, but I always ask the parent in advance how the student will react to my phone call. In most cases, I prefer that the parent alert the student to the fact that I'll be calling. If a student resents his/her parent's interference and, therefore, my involvement, my ability to be effective is severely hampered. In this case, however, the father told me that he knew his daughter would be very grateful if I called her. The father was correct; his daughter was delighted that I called and we set up what would be the first of many meetings during the student's years at UB. In talking with the student, she seemed to be devoting enough time to studying, but the study methodologies that had been successful for her in high school didn't appear to be working in college. She also seemed to be spending more time worrying and panicking about her classes than engaging in productive studying. Her self-confidence was very low, she was convinced she would never succeed at UB and she thought the best solution was to withdraw from school. She also was completely undecided about a major, which further fueled her frustration. I suggested a number of university resources to her, including her professors, her academic advisor, the Learning Center (where she received free tutoring), Career Planning and Placement, and "Food for Thought" workshops offered by the Counseling Center on issues such as time and stress management, and study skills. I also set up regular meetings with her. As her first semester unfolded, we gradually watched her study skills and her grades improve. At the end of her second year, she made the Dean's List. We also focused on her career options and where she could obtain the information she needed to help her choose a major. To make a long story short, with help and perseverance, she became an excellent student. She graduated last May with a major in exercise science; she is currently working in her field and is a very happy, self-confident young woman.

Have the types of questions parents ask changed since you started working in the Office of Student Activities?
I don't think I've seen any significant changes in the types of questions I've received since I began my current position in September 1991. As I said earlier, most of the questions revolve around academic issues. When students leave the teaching environment of high school, it often takes awhile for them to adapt to the learning milieu of college, to become aware of their own learning styles, to adapt to different professors' teaching styles and to make the appropriate adjustments. Many students share their insecurities and uneasiness with their parents, while they tell their friends about the positive aspects of collegiate life. Mom and dad don't always hear about the challenging class discussion, the student group that is planning an exciting program or the new friend.

If you could give one piece of advice to parents before their daughter or son starts at UB, what would it be?
I actually have two pieces of advice for parents that cover two very different topics: Always keep the lines of communication open between you and your son or daughter. Let your student know that it's okay to share his/her successes and his/her disappointments with you and that you will be supportive and understanding, regardless of the situation. The Federal Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), a federal regulation written in 1974 and amended in 1975, stipulates that only students have access to their university records. In accordance with FERPA, parents are not notified of students' grades. An open relationship between parents and students is, therefore, very important. It's so sad to see students who are in a crisis situation whose parents had no idea that there was a problem because, for whatever reason, the student never told them. My other piece of advice concerns credit cards. I have received several phone calls from parents concerning a student who obtained a credit card without the parent's knowledge. It's very frightening to see how easy it is for full-time students, the vast majority of whom have little or no income, to obtain credit in their own names. My advice for parents is to discuss the issue of a student having a credit card before the student starts school and periodically thereafter.

What's the most important thing a student should know before he or she enters UB?
I think one of the biggest hurdles that first-year students face is developing the time-management skills that they need to meet the disparate demands of college life. While each student needs to find the proper balance between curricular and extracurricular endeavors, it is important for students to become involved in activities outside the classroom. In order to do this and to also maintain good grades, students need to develop effective time-management skills. One of the most important items that every student needs is an academic planner to record commitments, assignments, exams, etc. and to develop a productive study schedule.

What do you like most about being Parent Program coordinator?
I consider my position to be one of advocacy for parents and students. I truly enjoy helping parents and students, allaying their concerns, answering their questions and doing whatever I can to ensure that students will have a successful experience at the university.

What question do you wish I had asked, and how would you have answered it?
One question you did not ask is what support services the Office of Student Activities offers to the parents of UB undergraduates. We view the relationship with students, parents and the university as a partnership. As partners, we seek to create a positive alliance that provides students with the optimal support system to help them adapt to and succeed at the university. This partnership begins with the Family Orientation Program, which parallels the Student Orientation Program for both freshmen and transfer students. Our partnership continues each year in October with Family Weekend and culminates with graduation. Twice a year-in September and March-we publish a parent newsletter, The Anchor, which is sent to the parents of all undergraduates. To assist parents in helping their students find solutions to problems they may encounter, we also operate a Parent Advisory Guideline. The guideline, which is accessible either by e-mail at ubparent@acsu.buffalo.edu or by telephone at 645-6125, offers parents information, options and referrals. The purpose of the Parent Advisory Guideline is not to directly solve a student's problem, but rather to provide the parent and student with the name, telephone number and location of a professional in the appropriate university department who can offer the best guidance for a particular situation. We encourage students and parents to remain in close contact with one another so that the parent is comfortable that the student is seeking an effective resolution to the problem.